This month we are exploring all aspects of relationships. Sue Denison is Elysium’s Corporate Expert by Experience. In this blog, she shares her thoughts on the importance of relationships for service users; with their family and loved ones, the staff supporting them, and other service users.
“When a person is admitted to a service, it’s not uncommon for them to lose touch with
family and friends. It can be difficult for them to cope with the whole concept of you having to be in hospital for an extended period of time. You might be in a hospital far from home. And you may have repeated admissions. It can all be very difficult – you’re at a distance, you have an illness which isn’t easy for them to understand or cope with, and you might be in hospital for months or years.
“But for many service users, and it was certainly the case for me, maintaining those relationships is really important. My daughter was three when I was admitted to hospital, and it was so important to us both that we were able to maintain contact. The contact I had with my wider family was mixed; I felt they should be more understanding and they felt I should get on with it and get out of hospital. But they did understand the need I had to keep in contact with my daughter and they – along with support from the teams in the hospitals I was in – helped me see her, and talk to her, regularly.
“I would speak to her via Skype and through visits; they would bring her to me, and I would visit her at home. Social workers enabled her to visit the hospital. And that contact with the ‘outside world’ is really important to keep you grounded and to remind you there is still a world out there and that’s what you’re aiming for. There’s still a place for you and role for you in that world.
“Whenever I was in hospital, I spoke to my daughter every single day. I used to help her with her homework over Skype, she would ask me to score her cartwheels in the living room. And those sorts of things were really important to help us maintain a mostly ‘normal’ relationship in a difficult situation. It meant I could have a say in those little life things which I felt I should be there for, but couldn’t be at that time.
“Some staff went out of their way to make sure that contact was maintained, they made the contact happen even if it was difficult. They realised the enormity of me having that contact. Our relationship could have gone one way or the other – a lot of people lose touch with their children – but we are very close.
“Being in hospital can be a very lonely existence and you hang on to everything you have ever been and for me, that was a mum and a teacher. Relationships with staff when you’re in hospital are also important, and they can go several ways. Some people wanted me to be involved in meetings and for me to contribute which was positive. But others were not so positive – one told me “You’re not a teacher here you know…”, which really just destroyed any chance we had of a positive relationship. Another staff member would come and tell me all of her woes, which isn’t appropriate.
“As with any relationship, but particularly between a patient and a staff member, boundaries are essential, as is confidentiality. If someone talks to you about other service users, you question what they’re telling others about you. Kindness and friendliness are of course okay, but there has to be boundaries.
“Finally, relationships between service users can be tricky. You’re living 24/7 with people you don’t know. You might not get on with all the staff team, but at least you know they’re going to go off shift at some point – other service users are there all day, every day! And if you don’t get on for any reason, it can make life very difficult.
“A negative relationship I experienced with another service user really affected my treatment at the time. It affected my relationship with staff, she would not attend the same group therapy sessions as me and it caused friction. I was fearful. You feel you can’t open up and be honest in groups. You can’t like all people all of the time and in the community, you would choose to avoid or not spend time with certain people – when you’re a patient with shared communal spaces and limited places you can go, it can make it very difficult. You have to work hard at relationships in all aspects of your life as an in-patient, but it’s not possible to get them all right all of the time.”
At Elysium Healthcare, we understand the vital importance of relationships for service users. For more information on our mental health and wellbeing services, or discuss a potential referral please dial our 24 hr referral line on 0800 218 2398. Alternatively, you can email us at referrals@elysiumhealthcare.co.uk or elys.referrals@nhs.net.